Love Again The Wisdom of Unexpected Romance (Audible Audio Edition) Eve Pell Audible Studios Books
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In Love, Again, Eve Pell beautifully and thoughtfully concludes that life experience adds dimensions to the art of connection - and that we all stand to learn something from unexpected romance. How do old people meet new loves? Eve Pell was 68 when she convinced a friend to set her up with Sam Hirabayashi. Ten years her senior, Sam, a fellow runner, was handsome and sweet. Soon Eve and Sam were plunged into a giddy romance that began with a movie date. "It was crazy," Pell writes. "It was wonderful."
Pell wrote about their romance in a New York Times Modern Love column and received a wave of responses from people who recognized their own stories in hers. This thing, this late-in-life love It's growing, it's everywhere, and it's transformative. In staggering numbers, old people are meeting and falling in love - in senior living facilities, in retirement homes, in bars, in grocery stores, on cruise ships, on the Internet - brazenly, quietly, unexpectedly. People once written off as too old for intimacy are having romances, beginning intense affairs once thought to be for the young.
Part memoir, part journey to a new frontier, Love, Again is illuminating and heartwarming. Speaking with poets and artists, a retired nurse and a retired coach, environmentalists, philanthropists, and teachers - couples whose partners' ages range from 61 to 96 - Pell reports on their relationships, from saying hello to knowing they'd found the one, from blending routines and traditions to overcoming judgments and challenges. These widows, widowers, divorcés, and never-marrieds open up about old love versus young, the thrill of sex, and the looming shadow of mortality. At the core of this book is wisdom what we all can learn from the experience, regardless of age.
- Fall in love with who someone is now - not who they someday might be.
- Always be honest, but don't feel pressure to share everything.
- And most of all The heart can continue to expand.
Love Again The Wisdom of Unexpected Romance (Audible Audio Edition) Eve Pell Audible Studios Books
Eve Pell is not a stranger to me.I read her "Modern Love" column in the NY Times a few years ago, where she spoke of her meeting a man, so unlike any of the men she had ever experienced in her life, married to or otherwise. And beyond meeting this man, within a year, deciding that this man would change her life more profoundly, than any before him, and so within a short time, she married him.
But to many, such events were the plot lines of romance novels for men and women four to five decades younger.
Because all of us, thanks to western society's cultural "programming" think of a single woman of 68 and a single man of 78, meeting, falling in love, getting married two years later, then leading enriching active lives, as a low probability and or impossible event.
As in "act your age grandma or grandpa," as in act elderly, as in act out the remaining years of your life as a dried up emotionless prune, as many, young and almost old, in our society would opine.
Thanks to Eve Pell's personal experience of teaming up with her "Sam," for very deep and fulfilling intimacy with happiness in the autumn of her life, as well as his, we who are past 60, are blessed.
After her beloved Sam passed, Eve Pell set off to find out if she had experienced something rare, or something common, and what shape or form creating a shared intimate life together with another person would take when both are post sixty.
As a result, she tracked down others, post 60, who had found each other and created intimate, enriching lives together with caring, character and grace for each other and the world around them.
Such events, as Eve Pell points out come only with the wisdom that personal experience with the ups and downs of life gives to anyone now post 60.
In fact it is with that wisdom, based on experience, that makes for such a rich and shared life, that many younger, may never find.
Yes, with the substantial experience of life, for any post 60 year old, if you open up your heart and your mind, you can find that someone special and the special you create together may only be because of your collective experiences in life prior to teaming up.
This is a totally inspirational book.
Because with Eve Pell's clear and concise writing, woven in sections between the life stories of older couples, who found each other late in life, you can find out what everyone written of in this book, post 60 has come to understand.
The "understand" is about life and how to live it with love, care and affection for their partner, to the fullest with the time that is left.
And with such understanding, such post 60 couples can look past the reality of no longer being a 20-30 year olds and making it work, perhaps better than it ever did, in prior relationships where with their youth, they squandered many opportunities for living much more deeply intimate, caring , exciting lives with a partner.
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Love Again The Wisdom of Unexpected Romance (Audible Audio Edition) Eve Pell Audible Studios Books Reviews
This book is what it is...a nice little book with stories relevant to second (or third) time around romances. It can be heart-warming, giving one hope for the future if you are widowed or divorced and are sixty-plus. It regales us with tales of how these people met, the intricacies of their relationships and how those relationships ended up. However, I found it to be, while hopeful, very repetitive.
The cover describes it as "the wisdom of unexpected romance". What wisdom? While being a lovely, peaceful book, there are no great stories of wisdom and how one might find and handle a relationship with a future partner. I think that a good message to take away from this book is "don't try so hard, and be flexible". However, the stories told, in my opinion, became repetitive.
I was looking for a little more "what worked for me". And what the reader gets is story after story of senior romances that have blossomed quite by accident. While it was a nice little book, it's not quite what I expected.
Nonfiction about couples who became couples after age 60. How they met, how they get along, what the romance is like, what the sex is like, obstacles (like relatives who disapproved), and thoughts about death being near. It’s encouraging for people to get out there and try romance again.
Some excerpts from the book
Several times a year Sam went on golfing trips with friends. He had a great time. Eve was happy for him and she felt fortunate to be excluded - since she didn’t like to golf. Sam would go to an event with Eve if she said it was important. The point was they wanted each other to be happy. They would not insist the other accompany them if the other didn’t want to. The author talked about all the couples when she said “I’m struck by how each partner truly values the happiness of the other.” (p 107)
Another couple She was driving to work and had a flat tire. She called him asking who to call to repair it. He said I’ll be there in a couple minutes with my car. You take my car to work and I’ll handle the flat.
Another couple uses a therapist. “We wait to bring up really difficult things that could be explosive until we are with the therapist. This is a great strategy. The therapist told us it is much easier for her to work with couples who are building a strong relationship than those whose relationship is already in shambles.” (p 97)
One couple talked about online dating. “They found that widows and widowers were better prospects than divorced people... If their marriages had been happy they had more intention of looking for long-term relationships... In the divorced men, I saw guys who were shell-shocked, guys who were out for revenge.” Don said “Eighty-five percent (of single women) were divorced or separated. Most of them, if they were standing on a subway platform and a train was coming, they’d have pushed their husband off. It was hard for them to trust again. Their whole thing seemed to me to be about sex. But you have to know people and share values.” (p 148) (Note The author Eve would be an exception to this. She was twice divorced and found a fulfilling love with Sam.)
A ninety-something man said “The biggest surprise of his long life was his discovery of the unceasing need for deep attachment and intimate love.” (p 172)
Minor problem
Once in a while I was confused as to who was talking. I had to pay careful attention. For example a couple is quoted using several “I” sentences. Then the author Eve says “I” talking about herself. Then she switches back to the couple with their “I” sentences. (p 92)
Another example Howard said, he noticed how non-touchy his relatives were. That was confusing. I had to reread it a couple times. Howard is talking about George, so “he” means George. But the author is talking about what Howard said so the “his” was the author’s word for Howard. It would have been better to put it in quotes like this. Howard said “he noticed how non-touchy my relatives were.” (p 143)
DATA
Narrative mode mixed 1st and 3rd person. Story length 189 pages. Swearing language moderate but rarely used. Sexual language none. Sexual content descriptions that sex occurs but no details. Setting current day interviews with couples in the U.S. Copyright 2014. Genre nonfiction, relationships.
Eve Pell is not a stranger to me.
I read her "Modern Love" column in the NY Times a few years ago, where she spoke of her meeting a man, so unlike any of the men she had ever experienced in her life, married to or otherwise. And beyond meeting this man, within a year, deciding that this man would change her life more profoundly, than any before him, and so within a short time, she married him.
But to many, such events were the plot lines of romance novels for men and women four to five decades younger.
Because all of us, thanks to western society's cultural "programming" think of a single woman of 68 and a single man of 78, meeting, falling in love, getting married two years later, then leading enriching active lives, as a low probability and or impossible event.
As in "act your age grandma or grandpa," as in act elderly, as in act out the remaining years of your life as a dried up emotionless prune, as many, young and almost old, in our society would opine.
Thanks to Eve Pell's personal experience of teaming up with her "Sam," for very deep and fulfilling intimacy with happiness in the autumn of her life, as well as his, we who are past 60, are blessed.
After her beloved Sam passed, Eve Pell set off to find out if she had experienced something rare, or something common, and what shape or form creating a shared intimate life together with another person would take when both are post sixty.
As a result, she tracked down others, post 60, who had found each other and created intimate, enriching lives together with caring, character and grace for each other and the world around them.
Such events, as Eve Pell points out come only with the wisdom that personal experience with the ups and downs of life gives to anyone now post 60.
In fact it is with that wisdom, based on experience, that makes for such a rich and shared life, that many younger, may never find.
Yes, with the substantial experience of life, for any post 60 year old, if you open up your heart and your mind, you can find that someone special and the special you create together may only be because of your collective experiences in life prior to teaming up.
This is a totally inspirational book.
Because with Eve Pell's clear and concise writing, woven in sections between the life stories of older couples, who found each other late in life, you can find out what everyone written of in this book, post 60 has come to understand.
The "understand" is about life and how to live it with love, care and affection for their partner, to the fullest with the time that is left.
And with such understanding, such post 60 couples can look past the reality of no longer being a 20-30 year olds and making it work, perhaps better than it ever did, in prior relationships where with their youth, they squandered many opportunities for living much more deeply intimate, caring , exciting lives with a partner.
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